Important Announcement on US Senate Race

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I will not be a candidate for US Senate.

First, I’d like to thank the many (ok, several) citizens who urged me to enter the race. I know that many of you saw the fine website — – produced by my dear friends at Liberty Dewey O’Neil Rasky Regan Denterlein Communications. Thanks again for your entirely unsolicited grass roots support. (And my apologies to the elderly residents of Kansas City who thought they were signing up for an effort to draft former Royals infielder Freddie Patek. Helpful hint: I’m taller.)

Second, I’d like to thank my adoring and supportive family who helped me through the many hours of anguished deliberation (with the notable exception of my unfunny brother-in-law, who kept sneaking up behind me and shouting “Joe’s in!!!”).

Third, I’d like to thank the brave representatives of organized labor who all offered their highly conditional support if certain other people decided not to run. Your willingness to slot me in the mid-teens of potential endorsees has touched me deeply.

At this momentous time in our nation’s history, I believe I can best serve my country by retaining my well-compensated private sector job that does not require out-of-state travel or attending Eagle Scout ceremonies in small, rural towns throughout the Commonwealth.

May God Bless America.